Introduction

This transcript captures the content of Module 3 from a four-week coaching and mentoring programme on avoidance, delivered on Saturday, 4th October 2025. In this session, participants explored practical strategies for breaking the cycle of avoidance and taking consistent action.

The workshop covers topics including the psychology of avoidance, the difference between action, motivation, and inspiration, small-step planning, building habits through consistency, and the role of accountability in overcoming procrastination. Exercises included self-reflection, breaking tasks into manageable steps, and creating a consistency map to support sustainable progress.

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TRANSCRIPT

Introduction to the Coaching Programme

Yeah, this four week coaching programme is on avoidance. A lot of people use other names for it. Procrastination is one of those names where we put off things that we know that we could be doing that will benefit us in different areas of our life, whether it’s health, wealth, relationships, spirituality, prayer. The reason I chose the word avoidance is it’s more impactful. People can recognise it once they understand what avoidance actually is.

Module One: Defining Avoidance

So module one, when we started the actual four week programme, was defining what avoidance is. So avoidance is effectively when you’re at a crossroads and there’s a choice to be made between one path that involves effort, that moves you forward in that area, that you can move forward in, whether it’s a task, something to be done, something to be completed, and the other path, which takes you away from the thing that needs to be done or could be done. So any time when you come to a decision or a cross point where the thing that needs to be done could be done, should be done, is not being done. And you choose the other path, the path of comfort, the path of relief, the path of I’ll put it off for another time.

Module Two: The Cost of Avoidance

So we started off in the first module, talking about the definition of avoidance, what it actually means, and when it comes up. We followed that up with module two, having a look at the cost of avoidance, what the actual, real impact is on our lives, that every time we make that decision not to do something that’s important that can move us forward and we choose the other path of relief and comfort. How it compounds over a period of time, and either the tasks become bigger, the negative consequences of them increase, or we avoid the benefits of doing those things, and how our life can remain stuck or even decline.

And that’s what we were doing in last week’s module, where we were having a look at, in the moment, over a year, in over five years, what the cost of that avoidance is, how it cheats us, robs us of opportunities, peace of mind.

Module Three: Shifting from Avoidance to Action

So in this module here, the next step on from that, we’ve defined what avoidance actually is, where it occurs. We’ve had a look at the cost of it, and now we’re going to look at the actual, practical aspect of breaking that cycle. We’re going to have a look at how we can shift from avoidance into action. When we arrive at that crossroads, that decision point, we choose the path that’s going to have the most impact for us, in a positive sense, one that’s going to move us forward.

So this module is all about breaking the silo cycle of hesitation and procrastination, learning how to take small, decisive steps, and understanding why boring consistency is more transformative than dramatic bursts of effort. It’s about building habits of approach rather than avoidance.

Focus on Movement

So the first modules were about awareness and motivation. This one is actually about movement.

Information and Exercises

So let’s expand on this, and then we’ll go into some exercises as well, because it’s information along with exercises, and the exercises involve self reflection. They involve you applying the information into your own life, because that’s what makes it really meaningful. That’s the difference between attending a workshop, doing it in person, and watching videos, watching podcasts. I was thinking about that earlier on this week, and that, unfortunately, we’re in a society where access to information is like junk food for the brain, the mind and the soul. It fills us up, but it’s not exactly nutritious in the overall term.

But when you attend sessions like this, the nutrition that you get in actually being in a group and sharing and connecting is far more healthier over the long term, and it cannot be replicated. Anyone who says, “Oh, what was the workshop like?” you can’t really explain it, because a lot of it each person brings their own experience to the workshop. That’s where the real value is. Each one of you is bringing your own life experience to the exercises. It’s not the exercises themselves that are really beneficial. It’s you doing the exercises.

So thank you for turning off, because even today, turning off is an action step that you’ve taken. So you’ve already proven that you can avoid avoidance to a degree.

Why Action Feels Hard

So why does action feel so hard? So before we go into the exercises, it’s important to acknowledge that doing something actually feels harder than it actually is. A lot of the time before we start doing something, the feeling that we get of the effort required to do something can actually feel a lot more than it actually is than when we actually get started doing it.

So the brain is wired to avoid discomfort. The brain utilises so much energy when it’s in decision making, trying to weigh up what it can and cannot do. So as soon as it gets into that, it wants to relieve itself of all that mental energy that’s being used up. So it will seek ways to release that stress, and a lot of that is where avoidance comes in. So it’s why to avoid discomfort. It thinks it’s doing the right thing. It thinks it’s protecting you.

The Brain’s Primary Purpose

The purpose of the brain and every part of ourselves is not to advance and to grow and to succeed and do everything. The purpose of the brain primarily is to protect ourselves from harm. That is its primary thing for survival. At the core of it, everything we start off with, is survival. Everything that really helps us grow and move forward is outside of survival. It means that we’re exposing ourselves to certain risks that wouldn’t be there if we locked ourselves away.

At the same time, it deprives us of things that are important to us: connection, accomplishment, achievement. So it’s a constant conflict we’re having to balance between the primary aspects of survival and all the other values that are important to us. Fear, anxiety, boredom and some uncertainty act like red lights to make you stop. We all drive. Imagine the difference between going along a boulevard with a set of traffic lights, and every time you come up to the traffic light, it’s red, and then you’d make a little bit more forward, and it’s red and it’s red. That’s a way a lot of people’s brains are wired. Every time something comes up, they hit a red light: Stop.

Look at the difference if you were cruising along steadily and slowly and every light was green. And that’s what we’re trying to get into, that consistency of action, where we’re not speeding up and then stopping, speeding up and stopping. What we’re trying to do is get consistent flow of action.

The Paradox of Action

The paradox is, once you start taking action and you start getting into the thing that you’re doing, the discomfort that usually occurs before you’re doing the thing shrinks, not grows. Fear only exists before you’re doing something, because when you’re doing something, you’re in it, and all your attention then gets focused onto doing the thing itself.

The Action-Motivation Cycle

So here’s the action motivation cycle. Yeah, have you got the actual motivation cycle on your phone? Circular action, three points of entry. Some people are waiting to be inspired. They’re waiting for an idea or thought, something to do. And then what happens? They get that, and they get motivated, and then they take action. The risk with that is that you’re waiting for inspiration to strike.

Some people are waiting for motivation. Now, motivation is really a feeling. When people say “I’m motivated,” it’s really a feeling. It’s an emotion. Wonder what they’re talking about. They’re taking a process, because motivating oneself is a process. You can motivate yourself by learning the psychology of the brain and learning what to focus on, so you can motivate yourself. But most people use it as a noun to refer to a feeling that they have: “I’m motivated,” or “I’m not motivated.” It’s a measure.

It goes against the way the brain is. The brain is seeking comfort. So when people are seeking motivation, they’re saying, “I don’t feel right. I’m not ready yet.” Maybe sometimes motivation does come, and then they start taking action, but again, it’s either waiting for something or they haven’t learned how to create it.

Action vs Inspiration and Motivation

Action is totally different. Action is a purely doing thing. It’s a verb that relates to effort towards something worthy and worthwhile. Inspiration and motivation both carry risks, but when we focus on action, regardless of inspiration and motivation, it’s action that actually moves us forward. Inspiration and motivation do not move us forward. Inspiration and motivation prepare the grounds and get us feeling, but it’s action that gets us moving forward.

So the key principles of today’s workshop really, is not to wait for motivation. We’re going to focus on action, and by focusing on action, it actually leads to inspiration and motivation. Who’s actually had ideas for their business or their health or anything when they’re actually doing something? When you’re actually involved in doing something, ideas on how you could either do it better or do it differently emerge. It can’t, because you’re in the thing, you’re getting feedback from it. So if you increase your action, your motivation will increase. This is a totally different way of looking at things than what most people are taught.

The Mundanity of Excellence

There’s a lovely research paper, very little known research paper, this one that most people assume success at the top of the mountain has been a really exciting journey to get to. You want to grow your business, you want to improve your health, and they think they’re focused on the exciting aspect or the rewards aspect. But there’s a research paper by Chambliss that excellence — and excellence is excellence — is doing something consistently over a period of time, even if it’s boring. It’s not secret hacks, it’s not talent, it’s not breakthroughs, it’s ordinary, repeated actions done over and over again.

So what I want you to do is, I’m going to give you a little exercise to do here. Over the last week, write down three to five things where you’ve actually took action. And what I want you to do is write that in the middle of the paper. Yeah. So write down the three areas where you took action, three to five, where you took action. Then underneath that, on the left-hand side, what you were feeling or thinking before you took that action, what you were thinking or feeling while you were doing that action, and what you were thinking and feeling after you’ve done the action.

So can you see how we’re breaking it down? We’re trying to learn what your individual cycle is when you think about something that you’re doing, what you’re feeling before it, what you’re feeling during it, and what you’re feeling after it, to try and get a snapshot on the difference in terms of your motivation levels, your states, your feelings, and stuff like that. So just take a few moments, because then this is where you actually bring your own personal experience into it.

Consistency Over Intensity

I carry on with the next part of the actual session that I was doing before I had that phone call. So this aspect is that whenever we want to achieve something substantial, and I use the word substantial in the sense that it could be large or over a period of time. Things don’t happen by short bursts of energy or intensity. They happen because we’re consistent over a period of time to achieve that thing we want to achieve.

And a lot of that time, that journey towards the thing that we want to achieve can be mundane. What I mean by mundane is that it’s repetitive actions again and again and again. There’s not much excitement in going on a treadmill for 15 minutes. You’re repeating the same movement. There’s not much excitement in going to a cross trainer or going for a five-mile walk. These are mundane activities. However, the impact of them repeated over time gives us the rewards that we are seeking at the end.

Boring Habits Build Results

There’s very few secret hacks, secret diets. You know, change your food a lot of the time. These diets and stuff don’t work over the long run, because they might give a short-term impact, but to maintain it over a long period of time can be very difficult. We’re much better having a healthier lifestyle, which is doing boring stuff again and again, and then what that will do is it will produce a result.

So this is actually studied here in this paper called The Mundanity of Excellence. Another word, with synonym of mundane, is boring. Success can actually be quite boring. Getting up, repeating the same thing again, waking up, doing your reading, doing your journaling. A lot of people do something, they get little benefit from it, and then they stop doing it. They think they’ve already had it. We’ve seen it in the workshops. People turn on, then they stop, and they stop doing the things that were giving them the benefit.

The Motivation-Intensity Cycle

There’s a little image there. You can see on the chart, it is common when people start any sort of education programme, training programme, diet programme, or start work, they start off with this intense amount of energy. And remember that motivation-inspiration cycle. They start off with this intense inspiration and motivation as they think about the result that they’re going to get at the end of it, the weight that they’ve lost, or the business that they’ve built, and they go into it all guns blazing, so to speak.

But what happens is, it’s very difficult to maintain that level of intensity. So what happens is, week two, because they’ve burnt out so much of that energy, the following week is not at the same level; it’s a little bit less. And here’s what happens: they then compare week two activity to week one. They think, “Wow, I was really on fire week one. This week’s not been a good week,” even though they’ve made progress.

And what happens is that can end up being demotivating because the original motivation inspiration, before they were expecting the results to come quickly, is why they put so much effort in. When they get into week two, the results may not match what they’ve actually done. So they’ve only put in half the effort as week one, and by the time they’ve got to week three, they realise actually there’s a lot more work here to do than they thought. They reduce the effort again, and before you know it, effort drops off altogether. They’ve almost given up on it.

The Chasing New Projects Trap

And then what happens is they seek a new project, because a new project gives them new inspiration and new motivation. So then they start chasing that with the whole load of energy, repeating the cycle again, constantly chasing new projects. Seeing this on social media: “I’m starting a new business, I’m reading a new book, I’m doing this exercise programme,” with this intense fanfare of, “It’s going to be great.” And then week two or three, total silence. No more mention of it at all anymore.

Now compare that with someone who starts to understand, actually: “You know what? This is a long journey. I need to just manage myself. I just need to make sure I hit my non-negotiables this week. I need to make sure I go in seven times. But you know what? I’ll make sure I go in three times this week to the gym, I’ll go and do three exercise sessions.” That’s my baseline.

Absolute Minimum, Baseline, and Stretch

Something you’re not aware of, which I’m going to share with you, is that whenever we’re setting activities, we have three levels of activities: absolute minimum, baseline, and stretch. Absolute minimum is, regardless of what’s happening, this is the absolute minimum amount of activity that’s going to be done over a one-week cycle.

So if you’re trying to improve your health programme, the absolute minimum would be something like: “My target is to do 30 minutes of exercise. But if I’m not feeling well, or something’s going on, I’m going to make sure I do 10 minutes, and I’m going to do that three times a week.” It’s not going to move me forward, but it’s going to keep me in the game. My standard is, “I’m going to do three times 30 minutes.” Yeah, that’s my baseline. I know if I do three 30-minute sessions and I look after my nutrition, then I’m going to make progress. Occasionally, I might feel like I’m having a really good day, and I’ll have a stretch day. I might do 45 minutes, or I might do four sessions during the week.

The problem becomes when people have a good week as a stretch week, and then they start adjusting, thinking they can do that every week. If you have a good week and you have a stretch week, you do not adjust your target upwards. You just recognise that this was something that pushed me beyond what I’m capable of doing, but I’m still going to maintain my stretch, have the baseline, and have the occasional stretch. It’s a lot more compassionate approach over a period of time. This is why this image shows that consistency over intensity produces much better results.

Tracking Activities

Write down all the activities that you’re going to do, and then decide: Is this an absolute minimum activity? Non-negotiable, I do regardless. Is it my standard activity? And then, if I’m having a good week, what would be a good week? So that you’ve got three measures. If most people are binary, black and white, they either say, “I’m doing really well,” or “I’m not doing really well.” What we’re doing is expanding that so you have much more range of flexibility to recognise what is your absolute minimum as a test and a trial and a learning. Then feedback every week to yourself and say, “Right, that’s what it was. This, what helped me, this, what hindered me.”

But you understand the principle. So what we’re sharing is principles, and then you’re going to apply it in your own life. Consistency is what you’re seeking. How can you be more consistent in your behaviours?

Breaking the Avoidance Cycle

What we’re talking about here is breaking the cycle. So have a look at this avoidance. Cycle of avoidance here: the cycle of avoidance versus the cycle of action. The cycle of avoidance is: we think about a task, it leads to discomfort. Discomfort is because it’s a stress factor. We try and minimise stress, so we avoid it, and we get relief from that. And then what happens is we feel guilty because we’ve not done the thing that we wanted to do. That task might increase in size, might increase in urgency, it might have negative consequences associated with it. And then the task itself grows very much like a monster. It starts growing into a bigger and bigger monster that we then avoid even more.

The Action Cycle

The action cycle: what happens is the task comes up, and we recognise the discomfort, but rather than relieving ourselves from the discomfort, we decide on a small step that we can take to get us started on that task. Because then we know we’re shifting the energy from thinking about doing it into actually doing it. And then what that does is it gets us momentum, builds our confidence that we can actually take things on, and we take more action and helps us into growth moving forward.

Then, when the task comes up again, we’re more likely to focus on it because we’ve already got rewards from the past. So one feeds into guilt and pain and avoidance even more, and has negative consequences over the longer term. The other one breaks it down and stops it growing into a monster. One feeds fear, the other feeds courage.

Small Steps Exercise

So what I want you to do, we’re going to do an exercise here. Pick a task that you’ve been avoiding this week, and what’s the smallest step I can take towards this? The smallest step is something that should only take you anything from a minute to 20 minutes. You don’t want a small step that takes you 30 minutes to an hour. The small step is to break the task down to the smallest possible thing.

Now, we already talked about using the calendar as a cue or a prompt. If it’s in your calendar and it’s blocked out, then you know that you’ve already decided when you’re going to do it. Think about what obstacles might occur: your own obstacles in thinking and actual other obstacles in responsibilities that you might have. How will you handle them? How can you prepare for them and make sure that you’ve got things in place? And how can you use accountability? You don’t necessarily need other people. Accountability works on other levels. You can use your journal for accountability. You can use habit trackers on your mobile phone for accountability. You can use action prompts.

Exercise Introduction and Tea Break

There is an exercise here, but we’re not going to do it sometimes in bigger workshops. What happens is that there are certain tasks that we’re avoiding, like sending a message or email, that we could actually schedule and do right now, but we’re not going to do that. So just take a few moments and have a little bit of a coffee break, because we’re coming up to 11 tea break, and then we’ll pick up on that. The worksheet prompts: avoided tasks, smallest step, time-limited obstacles, and how you’re going to handle them.

Exercise Two: Consistency Map

Exercise two is a consistency map. Pick an action to repeat three times this week. On the last one, what we will do is focus on how to break a task down into a small step. We’re breaking a task down rather than thinking of the task as a huge, large task. We’re learning how to break the task down to a small step. We’re learning how to set a time trigger for it. We’re learning to identify the obstacles that might get in the way and how to prepare for it.

So that’s the starting point: to take a task down into a small step. The second part of that is to then make it consistent over the week, either the same task or a different task. This exercise here is to pick an action to repeat at least three times this week. Write down which days you’re going to do it. Obviously, it’s got indicators: Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but it could just as easily be Saturday, Sunday, Monday. It could be three days in a row, it could have gaps in between.

Add space to tick after completion and reflect on how it felt. Here’s one of the things I also want you to do: when you’ve completed a task, do not add another task in right at the end of it. Let’s say you’ve got a task. Instead of putting a 30-minute block for a task, and say you’re going to do it from 5:30 to 6 pm, put the task down, you’re going to do it from 5:35 to 5:55 pm. Take five minutes off the task. Then, use those five minutes for reflection, celebration, acknowledgement.

If you have a look at it like this, look: if you’re in task — and I’m using this as a visual representation — you’re up here in terms of your focus, energy level. As you complete one task, you’re trying to then do what’s called task switching, which is moving from one task straight on to another task, and your brain will burn out its energy because you’re constantly keeping it up here.

By shortening the task, what actually happens is: if you allow 30 minutes to do a task, sometimes you drag that task out to do it in 30 minutes. Where, if you allow 25 minutes, sometimes what will happen is you look at the level and get it done in 25 minutes. Same on the treadmill: instead of working at four step four, count for 30 minutes, whatever, increase it to 4.4 and do a few minutes shorter.

But the point is: if you’re going from one task to the next task, you’re constantly in a state of excitement and focus. If you reduce it by five minutes, and you come back down for five minutes, you’re pausing. You’re acknowledging that you’ve put this effort in. You’re reflecting. You’re having a look at what’s gone well with the task here, you’re unloading your brain and putting stuff away in its mental boxes, and saying, “I’ve completed that. Now I’m not going to give any more thought to this.” Then start your next task at six o’clock. You’re giving yourself five minutes in between to recuperate your energies to then go again.

Can you see how this cycle of task, rest, recuperation, acknowledgement, celebration, break, go again, can probably mean you’ll get more done than one where you do three tasks and think, “I’m exhausted now, I can’t do anything else”? Regular scheduled breaks for recuperation are part of the process. They’re not separate from it; they are part of doing.

Also, as avoidance of the task: when instead of five minutes, it becomes 10, 20, 30 minutes, and try to avoid social media tasks — going on social media, anything that stimulates the brain — keep the focus on what you’ve actually done. The exercise here: write down an area where you’re going to do three things this week. What resistance do you expect? How will you respond? What rewards will you give yourself afterwards? Just take a few moments to think about an area that could be really improved, and focus on that.

Action, Small Steps, and Consistency

So we started today’s session talking about action. We talked about the cycle: inspiration, motivation, and action. We talked about breaking it down into small steps so it’s independent of motivation, because the more you reduce it down, the less resistance it has. And now we’ve talked about consistency over the weeks.

Accountability and Avoidance

We’re going to talk about something that’s really beneficial, almost critical: avoidance thrives in secrecy. What it basically means is that avoidance is a very personal thing. Most of the time, when people are doing it, they want to keep it private to themselves that they’re avoiding something. One way to tackle avoidance is accountability.

Now, most people assume that accountability is consequences: that when you’ve not done something, there’s someone there with a stick beating you and saying, “You said you were going to do this and you haven’t done it.” They assume accountability is negative consequences for not doing something. But that’s only part and parcel of what accountability is. Accountability is just a measure. What you do with that measure is what’s important. My sort of accountability is more compassionate, supportive, celebratory, encouraging. It’s a totally different accountability.

It’s not “you said you were going to do this and you haven’t done it.” It’s “you said you were going to do this, so it must have been important to you at the moment, at that time. What’s changed? What’s affecting you?” It’s more coming from a position of understanding, so a person can reflect on their own circumstance or situation to learn what’s actually happening.

Sometimes excuses are not excuses. Complaints are not complaints. Sometimes things happen that there’s genuine reasons why something has not been done, or there’s something else that’s more beneficial — either on health, relationships, or something else — which is why something’s not been done. There’s been a value exchange where someone said they were going to do something, but there’s something else of higher value in that moment that they’ve chosen not to do that.

That’s what accountability is to me. Doing it in a small group the way we have — which is why we’ve got a separate WhatsApp group — allows us multiple benefits. When individuals actually take the time to write something up in preparation for sharing, there’s reflection in that process, even if they don’t share it afterwards. Taking time to reflect back on what’s actually going on here is beneficial in itself.

Using Labels for Safe Accountability

You will have noticed that time taken to write something up has quite a lot of lessons in it. Accountability can be used in a very positive sense. Unfortunately, a lot of people, when it comes to sharing, have their own concerns about what they’re sharing, who they’re sharing it with, or it might even be: “I don’t have time to write this up, I don’t know what to write.” There are a lot of factors why people don’t actually open up and share.

What we’re going to do here is show you how you can actually participate in the accountability process and only share what you want to share. So when we’re talking about tasks, you don’t even have to be specific on the tasks. You can use labels to represent something. Let’s just use a funny label. Let’s say: “I’ve got this orange thing that I needed to get done this week, and I’ve been avoiding it.” Now, “orange” doesn’t mean anything. It’s non-specific; it’s a label that you’re giving. But you’ve made it public to everyone else to let them know that there’s something that you’re referring to that you’ve labelled “orange.”

When you’re actually sharing on it, you can say, “I’ve made progress on orange. I’ve completed orange.” Now what you’ve done is you’ve still held yourself accountable to a task that you know, without actually going into the details of it. People can either celebrate with you or can question you and say, “What happened with that task?” Does that make sense? You don’t always have to be totally explicit in what you’re actually doing. If you can share the details, then it might inspire and motivate others.

Accountability in a Group Environment

That’s one of the advantages when you’re using accountability: in a group environment, sharing can actually motivate and inspire others. When you’re talking about your health, I’m thinking: “Wow, she started it from where she is. What’s stopping me doing it?” This is inspiration and motivation in a group environment feeding off each other.

When one person is driven and moving forward and you’re in that circle, we did a workshop called Circles, which is basically the people that you have in your relationship circles. Do you want them to be constantly complaining about circumstances and pulling you down? Or do you want people in there that are driven, motivated, inspirational, having good conversations about what they’re doing, what they’re achieving, and where they want to go? The type of conversations are totally different in different circles.

If you fill your circles up with people who are constantly complaining and don’t do anything about it, then you are part of that circle. You are part of the problem. If you set your boundaries and you choose to be in circles that are motivated and driven and doing something, then that becomes inspirational, because then you’re more aware of what’s possible. You can also think: “You know what? I can learn from this, and I can do it as well.”

Short Updates and Sharing Wins

Accountability not only helps yourself, but it helps everyone else in the group as well because it reminds them of what’s possible. Updates don’t have to be long; they can be short updates. You can post updates in the group chat after each action, so you don’t have to wait for an end-of-day report. If there’s a task that you want to do, you can just post that you’ve done this.

Share wins. I’m a strong one for sharing wins, sharing successes, celebrating struggles again and again, encouraging, finding accountability bodies, connecting with someone else working on something similar, or maybe they’ve got the same sort of life experience.

Accountability Questions

Here’s a couple of questions for you to ask yourself: What kind of support would help you stick with your plan this week? Who, what, where, when, what type of support can you create, nurture, apply? How does accountability change your willingness to take action now?

Accountability has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence, ability, or motivation. It has to do with understanding the process, a little bit of vulnerability, and commitment. A lot of the time, we fear that if we haven’t done something, we will be criticised or looked down upon. But it’s not the way we run things here. We do it slightly differently.

Closing Reflection

So just take a few moments to do that, and then we’ll do closing comments and get some feedback notes at the end of the module.

Reflection Notes for Module Three

I think so, I’ve done it before. Anyways, let’s have a look at today’s notes, reflection notes for Module Three. Yeah, so on again, on the task there. Thank you for the lovely compliments and guidance here. Discomfort shrinks after action. Take action. Yeah, the fear of doing it is worse than the doing it itself. Small actions are transformative. Don’t underestimate the compounding effect. Small actions are like catalyst actions. If you’re struggling at any level to get started, keep on breaking it down to the point where you can get started. You. The consistency is power. The future is built on ordinary, repeated moments. It’s constantly showing up, rain, wind, storm, whatever. Find a way to remain consistent. Onto the thing. Keep it alive. Keep that heartbeat going in it. Accountability keeps you honest. Sharing with others makes avoidance harder.

Avoidance, as said, it operates in secrecy. We hide. I can see all the time people withdraw from groups. They stop posting, they stop sharing. Hopefully, some of the time, it’s good that they’re just busy and they’re doing stuff, so it’s not always negative. Sometimes people get busy. They’re making so much good progress, they haven’t taken time to post, that’s brilliant. However, there’s a risk: if they’re doing really well and they’ve stopped sharing and being accountable, one, they’re not celebrating with the people that they were doing it with. It’s not inspiring and motivating others at that same level. And also, what it is, is not putting an insurance policy if they fall off, whereas if you can put accountability in place when things are going well, what it does is it reduces the risks of falling off because you can use the group support to keep you up there.

The other thing is, when you’re down below and you’re not sharing, it can hinder your speed of getting out of that. So it works on both sides. When it’s going well, you’re not putting things in place to keep you up there and stop you falling down. And when it’s down, people try and, “I don’t want to share, because I’m not in a good place. When I’ve got something to share, I’ll share.” However, that process of sharing could actually break the cycle and help them get out of it.

Identity Grows Through Action

Identity grows through action. Every time you act, you prove to yourself, “I’m a doer.” Every time you turn up, you show up. Every time you complete an exercise, every time you write something down, every time you listen to something and you follow up with an exercise, you are telling yourself, “This is important to me. This is important enough for me to work on and to improve on.”

Integration and practice are necessary to truly lean into action. Practice the following this week: complete the first small step challenge. Use the accountability. Check in. Follow your consistency map. We didn’t do the visualisation exercise. There’s some references here. The book that we recommend is Atomic Habits. It’s been mentioned before. I think I don’t like recommending books too much because that creates a task in itself.

Sharing and Comfort Levels

A lovely, so let me just, for myself. This is for everyone with the accountability: at what level of information can I make myself comfortable with sharing? The reason why I phrased that question like that is because it’s a process question; it’s a verb question: at what level? Now we’re understanding it’s not black and white. It’s not sharing or not sharing, which we turned into a scale of information.

“Can I make myself now?” “Can I make myself?” is showing self-efficacy. It is showing that you have the power, not someone else outside. “Can I make myself comfortable?” So rather than asking, “At what level would I be comfortable?” — which then turns it into a binary, because then you’re waiting to be comfortable — when I’m asking, “At what level can I make myself comfortable?” sharing turns it into a process. It reminds you that you are in control of your comfort levels with sharing.

To add on to that, you can ask yourself: what are my fears or concerns with what I’m sharing, and are these valid from past experience and past evidence, or are these fears projected fears? A lot of fears are not real, but we actually project them in a way and create them. I it,

Receiving Support and Encouragement

What would happen if people were supportive and encouraging on the things I was working on? So that’s a really powerful question. Am I open to receiving support and encouragement? Am I open to receiving praise? For a lot of people who have not received praise and not received love, it can actually create a negative effect because they don’t know how to handle it, so they reject it.

Now, when you’ve done all this for yourself, and you start doing it in the accountability, you can then ask questions: what can I learn from this process that I can encourage other people around me to apply the same things with me? And how can I be an accountability partner for others? Because one of the ways to learn how to be accountable in a group is that you actually make yourself available and accountable to other people and teach them the same thing. A lot of the time people are missing that support. It’s not the tasks, it’s not the action. Sometimes it’s the community that really makes the difference, and the people we surround ourselves with that makes the difference.

Language and Framing

That gives you the language. I’ll share this language in a different way, and I’ll send it in the WhatsApp group. One other thing that’s been brought up is that there’s a lot of understanding in the words that are chosen by individuals. When people use the words correct or incorrect, right or wrong, these are very binary measurements — black and white. By changing certain words to “what’s working, what’s not working,” it changes it into a process so someone can be doing something that’s totally working at the level that they’re at already. Does that make sense?

When you’re doing something and it’s working and it’s producing the result, you get attached to the way that you’re doing things because you’re seeing the results and they’re working for you. If someone then comes and offers advice or suggestion on the thing that you’re doing, if you’re measuring it as right, wrong, good, bad — binary — you’re thinking, “Well, what I’m doing is working already. I don’t need that advice or suggestion,” because then what you’re telling me is that I’m doing it wrong, and I know I’m doing it right because I’m getting the results.

Whereas if you change it to “what’s working and what’s not working,” you can then accept, “Okay, what parts?” So now we’re separating the whole into the parts: what parts of what I’m doing are already working? I can keep that. I’ll do more of that. What parts may not be working and could be improved? It reduces our gut response to someone’s suggestions or advice, rather than it feeling like it’s an attack on the way we’re doing things, or we’ve done things. It creates a small amount of space to hold new information.

Most people will approach advice and suggestions with good intent but not the best method. Most people in our circle won’t have the skills and knowledge on how to present information so that we can receive it. By actually asking, “Are you open to receiving information?” first, they will try and almost because they want a good intent for us. Most people approach our relationships with good intent for the other person and think, “This person needs to know this because it would be good for them. So I have to tell them this thing,” even though the other person might not have requested it or wanted to know or receive it. And that’s where the conflict can occur.

Someone offers something, it doesn’t get taken on board, and it can create dynamics. Whereas if we focus on what’s working in a good way, what’s not working in a good way, it changes it to purely process, away from identity, because we recognise actually they’re just focusing on what we’re doing, and it’s not necessarily about us.

Module Three – Reflection and Exercises: Leaning Into Action

Introduction

The first modules were about awareness and motivation. This module is actually about movement. Let’s expand on this and then go into some exercises as well. This is information along with exercises, and the exercises involve self-reflection. They involve you applying the information into your own life, because that’s what makes it really meaningful. That’s the difference between attending a workshop, doing it in person, and watching videos or podcasts.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where access to information is like junk food for the brain, mind, and soul. It fills us up, but it’s not truly nutritious in the long term. When you attend sessions like this, the nutrition you get from actually being in a group, sharing, and connecting is far healthier over time and cannot be replicated. Anyone who asks, “What was the workshop like?” will struggle to explain, because each person brings their own experience to the exercises. The real value is you doing the exercises.

Thank you for turning off distractions today. Turning off is already an action step you’ve taken, proving you can avoid avoidance to a degree.

Why Action Feels Hard

Before going into exercises, it’s important to acknowledge that doing something often feels harder than it actually is. Many times, before we start doing something, the perceived effort can feel much greater than it is when we actually get started.

The brain is wired to avoid discomfort. It uses a lot of energy during decision-making as it weighs up what it can and cannot do. To relieve this mental energy, it seeks ways to reduce stress, which is where avoidance comes in. The brain thinks avoiding discomfort is protecting you, because its primary purpose is survival—not growth, success, or advancement. Growth requires exposing ourselves to risks outside survival, which is why connection, accomplishment, and achievement can feel challenging.

Fear, anxiety, boredom, and uncertainty act like red lights to make you stop. Imagine driving along a boulevard where every traffic light turns red—your brain operates similarly, stopping every time discomfort arises. The goal is to create a consistent flow of action, like cruising with green lights, instead of stopping and starting repeatedly.

The paradox is that once you start taking action, the discomfort shrinks. Fear exists before action, because once you are doing something, all attention focuses on the task itself.

The Action-Motivation Cycle

Some people wait for inspiration to strike or for motivation—a feeling—to appear. Motivation is not a static measure; it is an emotion that can be generated by understanding the brain and what to focus on. Action is different: action is a verb, a doing that moves you forward regardless of motivation or inspiration.

Key principles of this workshop: do not wait for motivation. Focus on action. When you take action, inspiration and motivation naturally follow. Ideas often come while doing, because feedback occurs in real time. The more action you take, the more motivation you will experience.

Excellence Through Consistency

There’s a research paper by Chambliss on the “Mundanity of Excellence.” Excellence is achieved by doing something consistently over time, even if it’s boring. It is not secret hacks, talent, or breakthroughs—it is ordinary, repeated actions.

Exercise 1 – Small Step Reflection

Over the last week, write down 3–5 things where you took action. In the middle of a page, list these actions. Then, for each action:

• Left-hand side: What were you feeling or thinking before taking the action?
• Middle: What were you thinking and feeling during the action?
• Right-hand side: What were you thinking and feeling after completing the action?

This exercise captures your individual action cycle and allows you to observe differences in motivation, feelings, and states before, during, and after tasks.

Consistency Over Intensity

Achievements require sustained effort over time, not short bursts of energy. Many tasks on this journey can feel mundane, such as exercising or journaling repeatedly. However, the repeated practice leads to the rewards we seek. Quick fixes or secret hacks often fail over the long term, whereas consistent, “boring” habits yield lasting results.

Exercise 2 – Consistency Map

Pick an action to repeat three times this week. Write down:

• The days you will do it (e.g., Monday, Wednesday, Friday)
• A space to tick completion
• Reflection on how it felt after completion

Allow time between tasks for reflection, celebration, and acknowledgement. Instead of doing back-to-back tasks, shorten each task slightly to create a small window for pause. This enables recuperation, reflection, and sustainable productivity.

Breaking the Avoidance Cycle

Avoidance thrives in secrecy. Most people hide their avoidance from others, which perpetuates the cycle. Accountability breaks secrecy and strengthens commitment.

Accountability is not punishment or negative consequences; it is a measure to create reflection and learning. My approach is compassionate, supportive, and encouraging. It involves understanding why tasks aren’t done, what’s changed, and what’s affecting progress.

Exercise 3 – Small Step Toward Avoided Task

• Pick a task you’ve been avoiding.
• Identify the smallest step to start (1–20 minutes).
• Identify obstacles and how to handle them.
• Use accountability (journal, habit tracker, or group) to track progress.

The goal is to shift energy from thinking to doing, generating momentum, confidence, and growth.

Accountability and Sharing

Accountability keeps you honest and strengthens action. Sharing tasks, progress, or even small updates makes avoidance harder.

• You can share non-specific labels for tasks to maintain privacy. Example: “Orange” task completed.
• Sharing motivates and inspires others in the group.
• Circles matter: Surround yourself with motivated, action-oriented people. Avoid those who constantly complain and do nothing.

Accountability works best when integrated into the community. Even small updates after tasks can create momentum and reinforce commitment.

Language and Framing for Growth

Avoid binary language like right/wrong or correct/incorrect. Replace with:

• “What’s working?”
• “What’s not working?”

This process-oriented language allows for reflection and improvement without triggering defensive responses. Accept what is already working, adjust what isn’t, and create space to receive advice constructively.

Reflection Notes – Key Takeaways

• Discomfort shrinks after action.
• Fear of doing something is worse than the action itself.
• Small actions are transformative and compound over time.
• Consistency is power—showing up daily builds long-term results.
• Accountability reduces avoidance and creates motivation.
• Identity grows through action: every completed task proves, “I am a doer.”
• Sharing inspires others and strengthens community learning.

Action Steps for This Week

1. Complete the First Small Step Challenge – Choose a task, break it down, and take action.
2. Use Your Consistency Map – Repeat the chosen task at least three times this week.
3. Practice Accountability – Share progress in your group or journal.
4. Reflect – After each task, pause, celebrate, and note lessons learned.
5. Observe Language – Focus on what’s working and what could be improved.

Recommended Resource: Atomic Habits (optional, for reference).

References, Research, and Bibliography – Module Three

Academic Research

1. Chambliss, D. F. (1989).The Mundanity of Excellence: An Ethnographic Report on Stratification and Olympic Swimmers. Sociology of Sport Journal, 6(2), 196–206.
   • Key Concept: Excellence is achieved through repeated, ordinary actions over time, rather than talent, breakthroughs, or short bursts of effort.
2. Fitts, P. M., & Posner, M. I. (1967).Human Performance. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.
   • Key Concept: Skill acquisition occurs in stages and requires repetition and consistent practice to achieve mastery.
3. Duckworth, A. L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M. D., & Kelly, D. R. (2007).Grit: Perseverance and Passion for Long-Term Goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(6), 1087–1101.
   • Key Concept: Consistent effort over time (grit) predicts achievement more than talent or short-term motivation.
4. Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011).Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. New York: Penguin Books.
   • Key Concept: Self-regulation, energy management, and small steps enhance the ability to overcome avoidance and maintain focus.
5. Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010).How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
   • Key Concept: Habit formation requires repeated behavior over time and is more effective than relying on motivation alone.

Books and Popular References

6. Clear, J. (2018).Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.
   • Key Concept: Focus on small, incremental actions and systems to create lasting change and consistency.
7. Fritz, R. (1989).Creating: A Practical Guide to the Creative Process. New York: Putnam.
   • Key Concept: Structure, repetition, and deliberate effort in a process-oriented approach lead to creativity and results.
8. Hammond, K. R. (1996).Human Judgment and Social Policy: Irreducible Uncertainty, Inevitable Error, Unavoidable Injustice. New York: Oxford University Press.
   • Key Concept: Understanding cognitive biases and the decision-making process helps explain avoidance behavior.

Conceptual and Applied Frameworks

9. Action-Motivation Cycle – Derived from workshop observations and behavioral psychology principles.
   • Focus on action before motivation; action generates inspiration and reduces fear.
10. Avoidance vs. Action Cycle – Conceptual framework:
    • Avoidance thrives in secrecy, feeding guilt and stress.
    • Action breaks tasks into small steps, builds momentum, and fosters growth and courage.
11. Consistency Map & Habit Tracking – Applied methods based on habit formation research, including non-negotiable, baseline, and stretch targets for sustainable behavior.